Not in a “I’m too busy for a relationship” kind of way, but in a way that means I’m not sitting around waiting. I’m called to do youth ministry and that takes up time. Work doesn’t look like 9-5, Monday-Thursday. It looks a lot like volleyball games for kids that are not my own, weekends out of town, and girls taking over my living room at least once a week. When I meet someone, that stuff will stay. Busyness is a part of everyone’s life, mine just looks a little different. There are times when I notice I’m not married, but there are more days when I don’t walk into my house until 9 pm. Being busy may be a distraction, but it’s not a bad one.
- I’m confident in where God has me.
It’s taken me a long time to get there. It’s taken prayer and people having hard talks with me where I cried a lot and demanded a different outcome. I had for sure thought that God had forgotten me on some days. “Surely he didn’t mean to marry off every single one of my friends except me…” But that’s not really a fair way to look at things. I still need a reminder on this one, but it’s important for me to claim confidence that I am not forgotten and there is still goodness to be seen in my life.
- I’m not alone.
I’ve said goodbye to a lot of cool people in the last few years. Not forever, they just moved. Because they got different jobs, or their spouses got different jobs. Or life just took them in a new direction. Those days have been sad and I’ve really missed the people who have come and gone. But the great thing is, I haven’t really been completely alone. I still have incredible people that invite me to be a part of their lives. They invite to grab lunch after church or to run errands or just pop over because they were on my side of town. I’m really blessed in that sense. Though I’m not married, my married friends still include me in on their adventures.
- I know how to be alone.
It’s taken a really long time for this one to sink in. Not that I haven’t been alone before, or a majority of my life. But understanding how to truly be alone takes time. In the past year I have learned how to go to the movies, kill spiders, and decorate my Christmas tree all by myself (cue Céline Dion…no wait, don’t. That song is way so sad). Those things take time to grow into if you are constantly pouting over not being able to do them with your future spouse. I love that one day I will be able to say that I learned how to do those things and I can’t wait to learn what else I can do on my own in the next year (except hang shelves or curtains…I don’t care if I’m 70 when I get married, I will not know how to do those things).
- I know marriage will be great some day.
The cool thing about having friends getting married right now is that I get to see different marriages. I get to see different struggles and watch as they navigate this new stage of their lives. I get to see all of those things now, and feel pretty good about having that in the future. Sometimes I really want cheesecake, but I know I have to work out for like, a week before I feel like I should have it. Not because I don’t deserve the goodness of cheesecake, but because wanting it right now doesn’t mean I should have it right now. I don’t think marriage is like cheesecake, I think I’m just hungry.
Pouting isn’t fun for anyone. I have gone through some down days and I’m sure there will be more days where I’m not throwing a party because I’m still single. And there will be days where I’m a little jealous. Like when my married friends cook dinner and I’m at home melting cheese between two pieces of carbs because singleness (and because cheese and carbs are delicious whether you’re married or not). But all in all, I think these things have stood as a reminder that being single in your late 20s isn’t bad. And being married in your late 20s isn’t bad either. Your life may not look like your friend’s lives and that’s just not really worth pouting over.