the God who sees me

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“I feel like I could fill this room with tears from the last year,” I said with a sigh in counseling. “And God held every single one,” he replied.

I can’t even say that I haven’t heard from God in this last year. If any year, this was one that will stand out because of how loud and clearly He spoke. I saw Him in sermons and in conversations and heard Him in songs and I poured my heart and tears out harder than most seasons.

I just needed to know He was with me in all of it. So I boldly asked in church one Sunday night. I argued and petitioned and made a bold statement over just how badly I needed to know He was with me and that He saw my heart.

We started to lead worship, and my heart was just in shambles. I wasn’t sure I would be able to sing a single note. I can’t even tell you what it was. Perhaps built up spiritual heartbreak. But I had reached my limit.

“You need to speak now,” I begged, in prayer when the music started.

And then He did. A friend turned to me at the end and said “I just feel like God wanted me to pray something over you” and she proceeded to speak in a way that communicated not only did God see me, but He was present in the midst of that hurt. He is with me in the pit of all things. He sees me and I am not alone and I needed to know that.

Hagar wanted to be seen in Genesis. She was a servant to Abram and Sarai and gave birth to Abram’s son when Sarai could not conceive. Jealousy took over between Sarai and Hagar and it drove Hagar out into the wilderness. God shows up for her in the midst of her struggle. He blesses her and sends her back.

Hagar needed to be seen. She says in Genesis 16:13 “You are a God of seeing, truly here I have seen Him who looks after me.”

Sometimes we need to know God sees us in our heartbreak and struggle. We just need Him to show up by the river and walk us home.

Our story doesn’t have to end with us fleeing and God cutting His losses. He shows up, takes our hand, and walks us home.

He is the God of seeing, and sometimes I think that’s all we really need. To be seen.